Mysterious Flying Robot Apprehended in Tokyo

A black-and-white picture of the unknown robot

Eyewitness photo of the rampaging monster

A mysterious robot appeared in the streets of Tokyo yesterday, from 10:31 to 10:57 am. Eyewitness accounts told of a humanoid machine levitating several meters in the air, disrupting traffic and causing widespread panic. The rogue robot was described to be several stories high, with wings emanating from the sides of its head.

The Tokyo Metropolitan Police Special Vehicle Section 2 (SV2) was dispatched to deal with the arrest. The robot was subdued quickly by Officer Izumi Noa, operating an AV-98 Ingram Patlabor unit. Her Patlabor grabbed the unknown robot’s leg and sent it crashing to the ground, after it had been corralled into a clear area by fellow Officer Ota Isao. A single shock baton strike to the chest area disabled the robot.

No one was hurt in the commotion, but major roads suffered heavy congestion and train schedules were delayed for hours.

The operator, a college student by the name of Kamina Ayato, was apprehended without further incident.

“I don’t know,” said Kamina, looking haggard in casual clothes. “I don’t know how I got in that thing in the first place. I don’t know.” Nevertheless, he is facing charges of disturbance of public peace and public endangerment.

“It just floated around with its arms outstretched,” said Asahina Hiroko, a college student. “It looked like an angel with wings on its head, but it was really creepy. Like it was some kind of angry, foreign god. And it made me late for class.”

A black-and-white picture of the AV-98 Ingram "Alphonse"

The AV-98 Ingram, dubbed “Alphonse” by its operator

Acting commander, Captain Nagumo Shinobu of the SV1, was proud of the successful operation. “This is a victory not just for the SV2, but for the entire Patlabor force. I hope it convinces the general public on the importance of active police Labors in defending the peace.”

SV2 has received criticism on improper handling of past cases, which have caused significant property damage and complaints from overworked insurance companies.

Captain Goto Kiichi, the SV2’s actual unit commander, was unavailable for comment.

When asked about her arrest, Officer Izumi grinned and said:

“No weird robot is going to beat my Alphonse!”

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This entry was posted in Fake Articles, Mecha, SaiMecha and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Mysterious Flying Robot Apprehended in Tokyo

  1. LIES LIES

    LIES GODDAMMIT

  2. Andaer says:

    Nice post. I was rather surprised by the Ingram’s victory although I did vote for it.

  3. DoctorBaronvonEvilSatan says:

    Giant robots are a priveledge, not a right!

    • Reid says:

      1. Your screen name is amazing.
      2. Giant robots for everyone will be a right when RahXephon retunes the world. That’s why this vote was dumb. Physical god > the pigmachine.

      • schneider says:

        Ayato’s not gonna retune anything now, since he’s in jail. Get him a good lawyer first.

        • Reid says:

          Well, Roger and Big O did win against Exia, so maybe a good negotiator would stand in? There’s really no need to take this to court is there?

  4. rockmanshii says:

    That was pretty funny.

  5. Matt Wells says:

    I laughed. Then again Noa did blind me with Moe, Hard Work and Guts!!!, so I can’t say I voted for Alphonse purely on aesthetics alone. Sai-Pilot is the cancer killing Sai-Mecha and all that jazz. Now if this were Sai-Commanding Officer, Shinobu VS. Haruka, I might have more trouble choosing.

    • reidjou4342 says:

      HARUKA. A real woman suitable for a real man.

      • Matt Wells says:

        Let me break it down here: Haruka is the Sailor Mars to Misato Katsuragi’s Sailor Moon. One is a whiny bipolar cocktease Christmas Cake, the other is a tsundere badass, Faye Valentine cosplaying Christmas Cake.

        Shinobu is Haman Karn: Japanese Police Bitch Edition; minus the shotacon tendencies, mental instability and the crazy 80’s hair. I’m only human buddy, how I am supposed to choose between the two polar ends of my own perfect woman?

        You know what, fuck it: I choose Kanuka Clancy! She’s like the DBZ fusion dance version of the two gals above.

        • schneider says:

          I never thought Shinobu was any bitchy. She scolded everyone for being lax, because that’s true, too.

          Haruka… she was cool, I guess. But not really all that memorable for me.

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