I’ll try to be brief, because it’s almost New Year here.
Friend: You need to watch this new show.
Schneider: What show?
F: Beauty Healy. It’s really good. Like, the best this season.
S: *begins to protest that what he’s watching is the best this season, but stops himself and nods instead* Okay, tell me more about it?
F: It’s got great character development! The action is off the rails! It’s EPIC!
S: What’s it really about? Characters, premise, genre, I mean?
F: It’s about the daily pressure of maintaining a secret identity while still being in school, yet never giving in because the characters, unlikely as they might seem, are champions of good. It’s a breath of fresh air in this era saturated with deconstructive takes on the magical girl genre.
S: *internal screaming*
Friend: Hey, you watching Imonator?
Schneider: You mean that show about the main character’s little sister being a time-traveling robot sent to kill him before he leads the human resistance but instead experiences a glitch in its programming and begins acting like a real little sister? And of course being anime she wants to bone him? Yeah.
F: Look, this is between you and me, okay, but I really like it. Not as a guilty pleasure, I mean. I think it’s really good. Strong contender for anime of the year, even.
S: Yeah, I was surprised, too.
F: But I can’t talk to anyone else about it. It’s… the premise is so disgusting! My girlfriend will think I’m a pedophile and a loser but Chie-chan makes me wish I had a little sister! No, no, I mean not in the way Chie-chan is (that’s disgusting), but I’ll totally protect her even from killer robots!
S: You can talk to me about it.
F: God, thanks. All these pent-up, um, what was the term, feels? Yeah. I need to release all these pent-up feels or I’ll explode. Imonator doesn’t deserve to be as good as it is!
S: So, when was the exact moment you got hooked? Me, it was in episode 2 when Chie recreates that scene in Termi–
F: Say, you know where to get one of those… anime pillow things? Chie-chan~
S: *internal screaming intensifies*
Schneider: Have you seen Gun Science Reality?
Friend: What studio?
S: Studio? B-2 Visuals made it.
F: Meh. B-2 is shit. Trying hard to be like OsaAni but full of fail.
S: Baraon’s the director. It’s a bit different from the usual B-2 fare, if that’s what you’re thinking.
F: Baraon? Hmm. Kinda want. Who wrote the script, then?
S: Marika Oda. She’s gotten better since–
F: Fuck. That. Shit. Marika Oda’s the Queen Bee of talentless hacks! How does she still get any work for butchering White Metal Knight?
S: Um, White Metal Knight wasn’t a manga or game, it was a character concept.
F: Whatever. Anime is dying because filthy casuals keep watching shit shows like that. Sage. (pronounced as in “wise man”)
S: (why am I friends with this guy)
Friend: Whoa, are you watching anime?
Schneider: *watching a fight scene where characters shout out attack names* Yeah.
F: Cool! I never knew you were an otaku!
S: (um I wouldn’t call myself an otaku, but people do think I am and I don’t mind so I guess that sticks, but really I’m distancing myself from the term because it carries a lot of–) Yeah, I am.
F: What’s your favorite anime? Mine’s Life Tweet, it’s about this Twitter account that tweets names of dead people every hour and they come back to life! The main character’s so cool, everyone’s trying to know his identity but he’s too smart that–
S: *never gets a word in*
Friend: Whoa, are you still watching those girl cartoons?
Schneider: Why don’t you sit down and watch with me? It’s good.
F: Nah, that’s gay.
S: *watching a scene where the wind blows at the magical girl’s short skirt, exposing skin but thankfully not her panties*
F: *sits down and watches*
F: Do we ever see her panties?
S: No. It’s not really that kind of show.
F: Do you have some… *ehem* in your laptop?
S: What do you mean?
F: *sighs* Don’t play dumb. Hentai. Let’s watch hentai instead.
S: (it’s not hentai it’s ero anime, and holy carp do I not have your so-called “hentai” here in this laptop that I also use at work–) No, I don’t have any hentai.
F: *stands up and walks away* Gay.
None of this is real, but it’s frightening how close they are to real conversations me and my friends have had.